I can't stand it when I act that way. I behave better when I am answering to someone, be it personally or finacially. It's a control issue. Meaning I have none. I need a limit, an allowance. When I feel in control, I get out of control. There will be fair warning, but it will happen. And then I wake up with that unsettled feeling, don't remember the entire evening, and need to make amends for some wrong, be it real or imagined. My intuition tells me there wasn't a fight, but I still feel like a six year old who got in trouble and have a desperate need to talk to the Agent to make sure things are kosher. Only he's not answering his phone or email, and that could mean anything, but it's a first. Watershed moment? Maybe. What happened? Woke up on the couch, together, but clothed, and that does not bode well. Couldn't wake him this a.m. for a goodbye, which is another first.
I'm a jackass. And I might still be a little drunk.
UPDATE: Everything is fine, I overreacted as usual, but I'll still feel better when I get home. Which won't be for another 3 hours. Why oh why must I have a job?
Thursday, February 7, 2008
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