a lady in the street and a freak in the bed

...is what every man wants. What they don't understand is this:

"Most women have to be lead into naughtiness by a man to feel comfortable being naughty around him.....since women prefer to being led over leading in nearly all cases." -David Cunningham

Not enough men have grasped this. We like to get freaky as much as you do, but we need your permission to behave "badly", your encouragement to let that part of ourselves loose, and the perception that you are taking responsibilty away from us for our enjoyment of something perceived to be forbidden. It's the cornerstone of S&M behavior.

I have an almost Victorian era outlook on the way a relationship should be between lovers. I am a very strong person. I am a professional, a single mom, put myself through college and worked two jobs to keep myself in the lifestyle I became accustommed to, while traveling and living my life on my terms and being very happy. I was single for 2.5 years, although I dated around, but couldn't find that perfect storm combination of a man who was strong enough to dominate me without it stemming from insecurity or a need to control. But I have known from my teenage years that I wanted a dominant man in my life. If he can't lead me, teach me, and protect me, I'm not interested in anything other than superficial. (Notice that I left out financial support - that's another post.) A true dominant is one that accepts you into his care, and is capable of providing it in your best interests.

A man that takes care of his woman is not a beta. He understands that if he keeps a woman feeling cherished and honored, a woman of self-worth will appreciate it, understand the scarcity of a truly good guy, and will be happy, nay, EAGER, to do anything to keep him happy. (And that's before she even falls in love.) When a man ignores his woman, treats her as if she is no more important than any other woman, she will loose that eagerness to please him, and the relationship is doomed. The trick is to pamper her while remaining a "man's man" - which is a great deal easier than you think.

Example: Don't ask her what she wants to do for the evening. Know what YOU want. She will be happy to be with you, and will go and do whatever you suggest. But on the occasion she mentions in passing, "I've been craving oysters," wait a few hours, tell her to get dressed, and take her for oysters. If she has a dinner party, dress appropriately and make idle chit chat with her friends for a few hours. She'll be so dazzled by your charm that she'll bend over backwards (into the bed) to reward you for your performance. I have no problem using sex as positive reinforcement - it's when you use it for punishment that things get slippery.