Or when it rains it pours. I have a strong suspicion that men are subconsciously tuned in to the availability of a woman. It is uncanny. The word “exclusive” had barely left my lips and I was receiving dinner invitations, getting hit on in bars, and having random men ask for my phone number in record numbers. And not the type of men who I regularly attract, either. We’re talking “underwear model, high school quarterback hot.”*
And this new popularity is inclusive of men I already know. There are a few guys in my day to day life for whom I carry a small, minute torch** but nothing will (probably) ever happen. These men as well are drawn to the sense, or scent, or innate aura a woman who is unavailable carries instinctively.
My conscience dictated a return to the un-exclusive status quo with Friends-with-benefits. Things were moving too far, and I didn’t want to lead him on. I liked things to be “breezy.” The reality of it is this: every time I have been exclusive with a man it has been because I didn’t want to be with anyone else. In the beginning of a relationship, the honeymoon period if you will, the couple should find themselves actively not dating anyone else, and then make the decision together to continue not dating anyone else. I don’t believe monogamy is natural for most people. I think AT FIRST it is natural, and then it becomes a conscious decision you make ALL THE TIME. With this guy, I was still looking. And still am. I was not prepared for him to ask for more.
In gearing up for the conversation, a mere ten days after the wedding when The Declaration was initially made, it occurred to me that I hadn’t been that flustered or discombobulated about anything in eons. I seized the opportunity to act as a real, grown up and mature woman, had three glasses of wine, and told him that our arrangement “chafed” a little bit. He took it well. I didn’t lose the benefits, and it made me appreciate that he actually is dialed into my personality more than most of my SOs ever have been. And that includes the time I was married. The irony is that I haven’t slept with anyone else since his permanent return from The Sandbox. This is the most monogamous I’ve been in two years. I just want to keep my options open.
*not that attractive men don’t normally hit on me, but I usually gravitate away from the traditionally attractive types
** because I genuinely enjoy their company even when I know nothing will ever happen due to a work relationship, being in the friend zone, lack of compatibility, lack of chemistry, etc. But It’s always on the table with those types, because you must have mutual respect for any real companionship, right?
And this new popularity is inclusive of men I already know. There are a few guys in my day to day life for whom I carry a small, minute torch** but nothing will (probably) ever happen. These men as well are drawn to the sense, or scent, or innate aura a woman who is unavailable carries instinctively.
My conscience dictated a return to the un-exclusive status quo with Friends-with-benefits. Things were moving too far, and I didn’t want to lead him on. I liked things to be “breezy.” The reality of it is this: every time I have been exclusive with a man it has been because I didn’t want to be with anyone else. In the beginning of a relationship, the honeymoon period if you will, the couple should find themselves actively not dating anyone else, and then make the decision together to continue not dating anyone else. I don’t believe monogamy is natural for most people. I think AT FIRST it is natural, and then it becomes a conscious decision you make ALL THE TIME. With this guy, I was still looking. And still am. I was not prepared for him to ask for more.
In gearing up for the conversation, a mere ten days after the wedding when The Declaration was initially made, it occurred to me that I hadn’t been that flustered or discombobulated about anything in eons. I seized the opportunity to act as a real, grown up and mature woman, had three glasses of wine, and told him that our arrangement “chafed” a little bit. He took it well. I didn’t lose the benefits, and it made me appreciate that he actually is dialed into my personality more than most of my SOs ever have been. And that includes the time I was married. The irony is that I haven’t slept with anyone else since his permanent return from The Sandbox. This is the most monogamous I’ve been in two years. I just want to keep my options open.
*not that attractive men don’t normally hit on me, but I usually gravitate away from the traditionally attractive types
** because I genuinely enjoy their company even when I know nothing will ever happen due to a work relationship, being in the friend zone, lack of compatibility, lack of chemistry, etc. But It’s always on the table with those types, because you must have mutual respect for any real companionship, right?
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