I enjoy convalescence. It is the part that makes the illness worth while.

Well, I'm happy to report that I am feeling well and back at work. The Lortabs have a lot to do with that.

I had surgery last Wednesday in which they removed some foreign stuff and some natural stuff from my boob. Mom took excellent care of me. Screw birthdays and special occasions - the true mark of loyalty is bringing pot roast and camping in the guest room at Mom's house with me! You'd have thought somebody died. The procedure was last minute and came as a surprise. Morphine rocks.

The damage to my person is negligible and I do not believe any cosmetic work will be necessary. Which is good, because I kind of like them the way they are. We'll see how everything heals up. At the least I have a new battle wound, but unless I begin a new career as a stripper, I'm OK with that. By the time anyone really gets to it up close and personal, I figure the point will be moot. Although I know it is vain, I am just a little concerned with the circle of scars around my areola.

The doc removed a walnut size portion of tissue and stuff, and I look a little "deflated" on that side, but I'm hoping that will....fill in. To tell the truth, I have more cleavage at this instant than ever since breastfeeding, but alas that too is a phase I'm sure.

This was my first major surgery and first time under anesthesia. I rate it an 8 on a scale of 10, 10 being the best things could have gone when you are forced to go under the knife:
1.) The hospital and staff was FANTASTIC. I can’t say enough good things about them. The doctor brought me blankets! The. Doctor. Himself. Asked me if I was comfortable, brought me blankets and then bundled me up in them.
2.) There was not nearly as much residual pain as one would have expected, even in the immediate aftermath at the hospital. And the doctor gave me a script for painkillers that will last me a year, even recreationally.* Frankly, I can barely tell I had the surgery at all. I hope the doc didn’t sever some nerve endings that should have been left well enough alone.
3.) There wasn’t QUITE as much coddling as I would’ve liked, only because I’m the type that has to have coddling forced upon her. (Once it’s clear you’re going to do it, then that’s that however.) But the lack of a SO makes the coddling a non-issue I suppose – there is no one there to do it. Friends-with-benefits was out of town on business from the initial scheduling, procedure and recovery. It is a mixed blessing, because I am not sure I would have wanted him hanging about, but if he hadn’t wanted to take care of me I would have been offended.**
4.) My boss told me to take many days off of work to recuperate – not counting against vacation days I hope – and I laid in my bed for five days straight until I couldn’t stand it anymore.
5.) My girlfriends were great and checked on me frequently, as did The Ex and Friends-with-benefits, as well as folks at both jobs. The care and concern expressed for me was almost worth it.
6.) I have a “hall pass” for anything I want in the next week. While I will try not to abuse this right, it will be a struggle not to play the sympathy card.

*which I have been taking primarily out of boredom

**he cannot win with me. That seems to be a recurring theme in my relationships with boys.

Time will tell

I am shocked that I have a reader! Longer post to explain my absence coming hopefully today....

Happiness is not a destination. It is a method of life.

I have fabulous friends.

Some background: By a fairly large margin, I am the youngest in The Circle. There is considerable history between everyone in the group as it has evolved over decades, always ebbing and flowing, but as others came and went, the core has remained significantly constant. I count myself incredibly lucky to have found these women at a relatively young age. Each and every one of them will be a companion joining me on the porch swing in our old(ish) age, watching grandkids run around and husbands….hell, who cares what they are doing, really. That’s one thing I love about my girls: They are their own person, with or without the husband and children. They each know their value and worth as an individual. It is actually amazing that a group of women with such strong personalities can get along so well. Don’t mistake – there are occasional clashes, and fireworks ensue. But we get over it quick like, after cooling off periods. The best part is we each have our own lives and thus cannot get too wrapped up in each others, but when the “call to arms” comes, we flock.

The menfolk took the kids fishing on Sunday while the women went to the beach for some girl time. The dads are friends and are quite frequently together on the weekends, doing manly things like fishing and golfing. It doesn’t happen very often that many of us can get the same down time, because usually the women have the kids – this is still the South, and that’s how things are done ‘round here. So with this golden opportunity, spur of the moment, we went to the beach armed with chairs, tanning accelerator, and a bag of wine: Lulu, Lulu’s college age daughter The Student, The Blonde, Rosebud and myself.

I think I talked too much, but remember – very strong personalities require a little aggressiveness at times. And usually I hang back, and observe, because that’s what I’m most comfortable with. We spoke of religion, our relationship with our parents and immediate families, cosmetic surgery, theories on men, The Student’s success at school, and everything else under the sun. The Blonde, who is dealing with some serious issues in her life to include marital issues, her father dying, and becoming a grandmother (even though she’s GILF all day long), told us that for her, the day amounted to a serious breakthrough akin to a therapy session. Someone should tell her husband that us taking her for drinks is a lot cheaper than seeing a shrink, and kills two birds with one stone besides. Reading back over that, it doesn’t seem to be a very relaxing day, and that couldn’t be farther from the truth.

After the beach, we met the menfolk with the kids at Lulu’s house and had a fish fry. We watched video of the kids on the boat that morning, played peacemaker between all the toddlers, made plans for our annual trip to Vegas, drank some beers, and generally enjoyed each others’ company. It could not have been a better day.

We make our fortunes and we call them fate

As I was growing up, my father used to read his Bible every day before leaving for work. He would stand, not sit, for just a few minutes a day over a table in the living room where the worn, black leathered book lay, always open. Sometimes he would start from the beginning and read all the way through, one chapter at a time. Other times he would randomly open to a page and begin reading, trusting in divine intervention to provide the passage. When I was a teenager I mimicked that practice, not out of any religious fervor but from a blind faith in…serendipity? I would read religious passages at random, taking from them what I could, although most of it I didn’t appreciate.

Horoscopes are much the same. I am sure there are people who believe that the weekly –or daily - horoscope in the neighborhood newsstand rag holds the secrets to their love life, professional success, or whatnot. The monthlies in magazines like Vogue or Cosmo are fun to read, even if one doesn’t attribute any cosmic force behind them. But I am a firm believer that you get from something exactly what you put into it. I was reading in order to glean insight into either an everyday occurrence or life changing decision. As a youth there aren’t too many life changing decisions, but I found it provoked thought both comforting and deliberate. A novice’s answer to meditating. For instance, if you read in an online horoscope, “News about some past personal history may surprise you, and perhaps even upset you for a short time,” as mine says today, you might ponder on where the news might come from, or prompt a muse on a recent regret. Like spending the weekend with an Ex when you know it will put you several strides back in your “moving on with my life” marathon. The best thing about horoscopes is that you can interpret them any way you choose and conduct yourself accordingly. I think it gives me a little push into becoming more of the person I want to be, or at least knowing myself better.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results

There is a lot to be said for being the one who is loved more, as opposed to the one who loves the most in a relationship, even a pretend one like I have with The Ex. There is always an imbalance. Sometimes it shifts, but there is always one person more committed, or more obssessed, who wants more than the other person can or is willing to give. I don't believe it is most likely to be the woman, either. We are more likely to hand over our hearts multiple times, while a man will let a woman crush him only once before he learns his lesson. (Mind you, these are meant to be very general statments.) I know more than one man who cannot let go once a woman has gotten him "hooked." And I have always been in awe of the woman who can make every man they get involved with fall in love. The leave-your-wife, ignore-your-friends, obsessive, change-my-whole-existence, can't-survive-without-your-love, Angelina-Jolie mojo.

I am the type who can walk away from a relationship. Once I make the decision to be finished with it, I am. No looking back. Two years later, I looked back. The view hasn't changed one bit.

Never judge a book by its movie

Does it matter if I didn't finish it? Some of these I only read enough to know I couldn't finish them. Or it just didn't catch my interest and I put the book down, never to return. I really should just read one at a time, but I like to have choices.

I "borrowed" the list but as I've seen it on several different blogs, I assumed it would be ok. Those in bold are the ones I have read. Granted, it may have been twenty years ago, but that's irrelevant.

1. The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown), Deception Point
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell) should've left it at that and not tried a sequel
5. The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry) thanks Chicago for turning me on to this one
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
15. Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (Rowling)
17. Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Rowling)
20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)
23. Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand) along with everything she's ever written, including essays
34. 1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)
41. The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)
45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela's Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. She's Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender's Game (Orson Scott Card), Ender's Shadow
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood)
60. The Time Traveller's Wife (Audrey Niffenegger) unbelievable
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice) to numerous to list - Exit to Eden was wild!
65. Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. Bridget Jones' Diary (Fielding) started it several times but could never get invested
72. Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)
73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)
76. The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)
78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte's Web (E.B. White)
81. Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)
83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. Wizard's First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. Watership Down (Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. Lord of the Flies (Golding)
93. The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)
94. The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)
95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum) The Bourne Supremacy and The Bourne Ultimatium
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch) you must read this book before seeing the movie, if at all
98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)